A couple of weeks ago, I was faced with the very challenging decision of what to do with my old lawn mower. I was confronted with this dilemma after finding out about the Great Maryland Lawn Mower Exchange. This is one of those deals where you bring in your old manly gas powered mower, and trade it in for a clean battery powered sissy mower and get a 65% discount. It was a good deal so we decided to go for it. The problem was, I was very attached to my old mower. My family and I got it when I was ten years old and I was so excited because I got to help pick it out and bring it home. It was a shiny red Snapper easy-start, self propelled, 3.5 horse power, grass bagging bad ass mother fucker and I loved it. I could barely move the thing around, but it cut grass like a coked up goat. As I grew up we became inseparable, we would go to the movies, play music together, throw things at unsuspecting kids from high above in our favorite tree… hmm maybe I did that with my best friend Mike. Oh well, I mowed the grass with it a lot and sometimes cleaned dog shit off of its wheels, so we were certainly bonded. Anyway, I grew up with it, drove it out to Maryland from Ohio when I got my first house, then moved again to my current house.
The night before we traded it in, I mowed with it for the last time. The gas and oil had to be empty so I decided to run it until it was empty. It chugged along mowing this way and that until finally it started to sputter… sputter… sputter…. then no more… The lifeless mower just sat there like a neglected baby left out in the snow. It passed away with only 2 strips of grass left to go. So I put a little more gas in it and YAY it came back to life. It mowed the last two strips, then the job was done. After a few minutes it died again, but was much less sad this time. I let it cool, drained the oil and loaded it up in the truck.
The next day we drove it out to Camden Yards where the event took place. We pulled up to a mountain of dead mowers and some guy grabbed my sweet little friend out of the back of the truck and started to take it away. I asked him to stop so I could get a picture of it, and apparently that was the weirdest thing ever because all these people came up to me (including an ABC news crew) and started asking me all about it. Why the fuck would I want a picture of a mower, and why am I so attached to it, and how do you take a picture with this iPhone. I must be strangest person on earth. The news crew followed us through the entire process and just must have thought I was insane. Jess (much smarter than I am) stayed in the car and out of sight.
Here is the story….. I am in it a lot at then end. Yes, I know I am driving an explorer to a green event so you can just shut up about it.