Posted by: Mike Ring | April 6, 2010

someone once told me that the Indians used to make pillows out of corn

My brother used to lie to me constantly. He got a kick out of making me believe inaccurate historical “facts”. I think the the worst one was about how the word diarrhea came to be. It goes something like this…

Back in the Dark Ages when people were mean to each other for fun, the king would go house to house tormenting citizens because apparently he didn’t really have much to do. He would make fun of their kids, punch them in the throats and step on their cats so they make that noise that cats make when you step on them.

One day, the king came across a family with a sick grandmother. When he came to the door they asked politely, “Oh please King Shlep, today is not a good day for you to make fun of us, Granny is sick with the liquid excrement.” The king gets a big grin on his face and barges through the door. “Where is she?” They point to the bathroom and he bursts in as she makes her duty and screams “DIE OR EAT IT!” Granny, not hearing so well, hears it jumbled up as one word (diarrhea) and just looks at him with astonishment. When she felt better, she went around telling the story about how the king barged in on her while she was sick just to let her know the name of her ailment. She really liked him after that and often sent him flowers, which he ended up being very allergic to and gave him a bad rash.

I believed his story, god was I stupid when I was four.

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