Posted by: Mike Ring | February 26, 2010

how did the toaster become such an invaluable appliance?

I have a shitty old toaster that doesn’t work correctly and never has. It ignores what level you tell it to toast at, doesn’t toast evenly, and sometimes doesn’t toast at all, but I have become attached to it so I will keep it until it tries to kill me in my sleep. This morning it was being an asshole and it made me think, how did the toaster get so popular? I mean all the fucking thing does is make bread slightly burned on the surface. Do we really need an entire appliance dedicated to this one function? Then I looked around and saw that these single-use appliances are everywhere. My coffee maker only makes coffee, my can opener only opens cans and my toilet only…you get the point. Can’t we start inventing more products that combine some of these tasks so we don’t have so many damn things? I would love something that made toast, opened cans, made coffee, cooked chili, washed dishes, played music and flushed away human waste—wouldn’t you? This would be perfect for prisons and elementary schools. Why the hell can’t my keyboard take my pulse? My washing machine should be able to make candy, and my doorbell should identify people trying to sell me windows and punch them in the fucking face.

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