Posted by: Mike Ring | December 9, 2009

choose civility in howard county and then go fuck yourself

I live in Howard County, Maryland and there is a will intended initiative sponsored by our local government that aims to make us all be nice to each other. The fact that we need such a program might tell you a little bit about a large section of our population. Well, I didn’t realize it at first, but this absolutely genius idea is working brilliantly. If you come to Howard County you will see these green “Choose Civility” bumper stickers everywhere. The trick is to understand their meaning. Logic would tell you that the person driving the vehicle is committed to acting as a responsible member of our community and really wants to give you some candy, well this assumption is dead wrong. The person driving that vehicle is actually trying to kill you. The green sticker is just a labeling system marking cars with potentially lethal, pampas assholes behind the wheel. They see this statement “Choose Civility” as an order to you, not for them. “You be civil so I can act like I am the only person in the world that matters and I am going to drive my car on the wrong side of the road while going 9000 miles per hour, writing an email and lighting a cigarette while watching ‘The Mummy Returns’ on my in-dash TV/DVD combo because I love Brendan Fraser.” If by chance you have mistakenly labeled your vehicle with one of these, you now know why the person who was sitting next to you at that stoplight this morning was giving you the finger, it was just an automatic reaction. If you think I am lying, just come visit Howard County for about 10 minutes and you will notice whenever you get cut off in traffic or run over and killed, 100% of the time it will be by someone with a choose civility sticker.

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Responses

  1. Very funny.

  2. Yes! I hate the green stickers! My blog just referred me to yours because I wrote about this awhile back.

    • It is just the truth!

  3. I really enjoyed reading this post, keep on creating such interesting posts.

  4. Can’t they change the slogan to “Choose Civility or Die”?
    Seems more appropriate I guess.

    • I think that would make more sense. People would know what they were in for that way.


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