Posted by: Mike Ring | December 1, 2009

a movie review

I have never written a movie review before so this will probably break a lot of movie reviewing rules, but after watching the film “Year One” I don’t think it is possible for me not to attempt this. It stars Jack Black and Michael Cera and based on the title you can guess as to when was set. It starts off in the woods with Jack Black’s character being a shitty hunter, and Michael Cera’s character being a shitty gatherer. There are some girls they both like. The two characters are big losers, so of course the girls don’t like them because it is the start of the movie, and they have not done anything important yet. About fifteen minutes in I noticed that my couch had a lot of dog hair on it so I went and got something to clean it with. Griffin (one of my dogs) seemed like he had to pee so I let him outside. He just barked a lot so I let him back in. When I came back Jack Black had set something on fire and everyone thought he was a dick so they kicked him out. The dryer then beeped so I went down and folded towels and checked facebook. Lots of people had been playing Farmville that night so I finally set the preference to hide these updates because I really don’t care to know this. I sat down again and something else was happening in the movie, but I for the life of me can’t remember what it was. I imagine it was not important. I asked Jess but she didn’t know because she was reading a book. I got up again to get some popsicles and put the dishes away. Jack Black was then running around a lot and telling people he was important and they seemed to believe him. I think the girl he liked was starting to like him. Michael Cera wasn’t in the scene so he was either dead or doing something else. I suddenly remembered the next day was trash day so I went and made sure I had everything out to the curb that I didn’t want anymore. At the end of the movie, Jack Black and Michael Cera (evidently not dead) were heroes for doing something and each had girlfriends — then the credits rolled and I wondered why I had actually let this entire movie play because it was the biggest pile of shit ever created. So if have not seen this I would not recommend it unless you have been putting of household chores, then it is a must see.

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Responses

  1. My son just visited, and wow is the house dirty now. I’m not saying he’s a slob, but that’s because I’m too kind. Wow, I’ve been putting off lots of household chores (reading blogs instead) so I’ll rent this movie immediately!

  2. Did you write this just because you have some slobs in your family? Hmpf….

  3. One of my favorite posting yet. You should check out a book called BAKED POTATOES – A pot smokers guide to film and video. It’s full of reviews quite similar to yours. It’s brilliant fun.

    • I will have to check it out, sounds amazing.

  4. Here is a taste to wet your appetite. This was for the movie THE BEASTMASTERS starring Marc Singer, Tanya Roberts, and some jaguar-looking thing vs. minions of evil.

    Every now and then a film emerges whose every component is weak. The actors are models; the story hinges on one boob shot; the fat kid next door does better special effects. Separately, each facet is embarrassing, but taken together …

    • I need to go to the library tomorrow.

  5. You is Ebert ‘cept not as old


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