Posted by: Mike Ring | November 26, 2009

eating tastes good

Today we all celebrate a bunch of Indians and Pilgrims getting together to eat lunch, and then living on to be the best of friends. Even though the real story didn’t end up to be so nice, we made something fun out of it and use it for good. To those of you that have to be downers today and preach the horrible facts of history, screw you and you don’t get any f’ing pie. Instead of getting into historical facts, lets think of the wonderful things that will be happening today. 500 people will start fires while trying to deep fry turkeys — 15 of then will completely burn their houses to the ground. Many people will horrify their entire families by cutting their fingers off right in front of them while trying to show off their turkey cutting skills. Several people will vomit on their grandmothers. Around 2,000,000 fights will be started over Tofurkey. 1 John Madden will get a 6 legged turkey while 2 other people will be all sad and get turkeys with no legs. Right now someone is thinking that the turducken isn’t enough different types of animals combined into one, while someone else is completely repulsed by the idea. Millions of people are trying to work out their Christmas plans with their families and many of them are annoyed with the outcome. Someone just realized they forgot to make pie and now everyone is suffering from the lack of desert, but lying and saying it is okay to spare the pie-forgetting-idiot’s feelings. People everywhere are unsure of where to put their coats when they get to their gatherings. Someone isn’t sure where he or she left their cup, so just picked up the closest one to them and hoped for the best. Lots of people are excited to watch football and lots more are pretending to be. And finally, someone is panicking because there is no toilet paper left and they have no idea where the extra rolls are kept. Happy Thanksgiving, I hope you all have a great holiday.



  1. Being concerned about drunken, arguing family members is festive.

  2. Funniest thing ever! Happy Thanksgiving (sweetie).

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