Posted by: Mike Ring | November 10, 2009

this thing never lived

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Over the years many animals that were once believed to walk the earth have been proven false like the brontosaurus, the unicorn and the zebra. I would like to add this hideous piece of shit to that list because there is just no way it ever lived. This is the Giant Ground Sloth and I would like to prove to you that some jerk just made it up. It is said to have been very slow moving herbivore that lived during the Pleistocene era and used its dangerous looking claws for nothing more than to cut leaves. To prove it did not exist, lets look at it’s closest living relative — Rush Limbaugh. Do you think Rush Limbaugh would be able to muster up enough energy to stand on his hind legs and strip branches off of trees? No, so neither would the Giant Ground Sloth. Do you think Rush Limbaugh would be a vegetarian? No, so neither would this thing. Do you think Rush Limbaugh will ever be part of the Natural History Museum? Well, maybe if they ever have an exhibit of the creatures of the 21st century that had no natural reason for living so probably shouldn’t have. Does Rush Limbaugh believe that the Giant Ground Sloth ever existed? No, because he doesn’t believe in anything that happened before he was born. So there you have it, the Giant Ground Sloth never roamed the earth and neither did Rush Limbaugh, he is just a fictitious character made up by the Bill O’Reilly to use as a scapegoat for when screws up gets caught.

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Responses

  1. I can’t express how much I approve of this post.


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