Posted by: Mike Ring | September 28, 2009

i could wear a sausage suit to my gym and nobody would notice

We go to a community gym in a nearby neighborhood because the membership is lumped in with several citywide amenities, so it is pretty cheap, and I like to save my money for things that are fun. It is kind of a piece of shit and looks exactly like Dunder Mifflin — only there are weight machines where desks should be, and the people there are not funny. Anther odd thing is when you walk through the door, it slingshots you to a parallel universe where crazy people work out and leopard print g-string spandex leotards are accepted attire for 75 year old women. I honestly have never seen so many strange people in one place ever in my life, and neither have you. I also think these people live there, because I never see them anywhere else in town.

My least favorite place in the gym is the men’s locker room. For some reason everyone is ALWAYS naked, even if they don’t have to be…”Hold on Billy, I have to wash my hands, better whip my penis out first.” It is revolting, and they always seem to be talking about finances. I walked passed one conversation… “So what do you think about this new mutual fund Jim? I hear it pays you back in candy” Jim replies “Oh yes Bill, that is a great investment, unless you are diabetic.” Okay I wasn’t paying attention to the words they were saying, but that doesn’t matter because both men were totally naked, and uncomfortably close. Jim was sitting on the bench facing Bill, and Bill was standing and facing Jim—so you can use your imagination as to what was lining up with what, and they were about 7 inches away from each other, and totally oblivious. I am sure to some of my readers this sounds like a good thing, but take your mental image of two Brad Pitts with replace it with two Wilford Brimleys…. yep, there you go, now you can suffer with the rest of us.

I would take photos around the gym, but there are signs posted prohibiting photography. It must have become a problem.



  1. Every day gets better – and a little more strange.

  2. I don’t know If I said it already but …Cool site, love the info. I do a lot of research online on a daily basis and for the most part, people lack substance but, I just wanted to make a quick comment to say I’m glad I found your blog. Thanks, 🙂

    A definite great read..Jim Bean

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